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Author Topic: The official JOKES-Thread  (Read 731 times)

Offline Darkling Nocturnal

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The official JOKES-Thread
« on: February 19, 2016, 07:09:31 PM »
Let's live up to this section's name! Come and post jokes in this topic:

Wow! I never thought, that our son will manage it so far!
Yeah! The catapult is amazing!
Let's try the dog!

 :darkling


Kneel down before the greatness of Darkling's dark ... ... ... Darkness!!!
(note to myself: I need a new scriptwriter) (Avatar by Silverweed's Claws)

Offline Bright Side

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2016, 02:07:47 PM »
Yeeeeeeeeees. I was so happy when I saw this thread :D

Quote from: Don't read if you don't like puns.on 
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I had a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left side? He's all right now.

It said I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

I didn't like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

I didn't know where the sun went at night. Then it dawned on me.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Einstein made a theory about space, and it was about time, too.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I didn't know where the boomerang went, but then it came back to me.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

The cross-eyed teacher had a hard time controlling her pupils.

Did you hear about the crime that happened on an elevator? It was wrong on so many levels.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I would make a joke about sodium, but Na..

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

What's a will? (It's a dead giveaway)
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Offline Groddil

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2016, 10:39:37 PM »
Quote from: WARNING! BLONDE JOKES!on 
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

Offline Bright Side

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2016, 12:19:50 AM »
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..
Thank you to Chipster-roo for the avatar!

Offline Claws

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2016, 01:02:26 AM »
Haha, cool ones!

« Last Edit: February 22, 2016, 01:02:51 AM by Silverweed's Claws »

Offline Bright Side

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« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2016, 01:20:27 AM »
Thanks, Claws!

Quote from: A joke that doesn't really make any senseon 
Person 1: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Person 2: Are you a tree?
Person 1: No.
Quote from: Coolon 
Person 1: Hey, someone said you sound like an owl.
Person 2: Who?
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Offline Darkling Nocturnal

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« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2016, 05:14:59 AM »
On pain of being branded for life:




What lives in the dark, has two wings and sucks blood?

Quote from: Answeron 
Always Ultra


Kneel down before the greatness of Darkling's dark ... ... ... Darkness!!!
(note to myself: I need a new scriptwriter) (Avatar by Silverweed's Claws)

Offline Bright Side

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« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2016, 05:59:13 AM »
I don't get why people celebrate Pi Day. That's so irrational.

A message to the Mayans: Sorry that your prediction was wrong, but hey, it's not the end of the world.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He never lands!
(That joke never gets old)

Build a bridge and get over it.
« Last Edit: April 11, 2016, 06:00:14 AM by Bright Side »
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Offline Magic-Rabbit

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2017, 09:55:16 PM »
This is a Watership Down joke.

I'd love to write a letter to the RSPCA which is a British organization that deals with abuse to animals and say that there was bunny with an infected eye. That would be an awesome mythical prank is the GCI makes General Woundwort look like a real, 100% authentic rabbit.
"All the world will be your enemy, Prince of a Thousand enemies. And when they catch you, they will kill you. But first they must catch you; digger, listener, runner, Prince with the swift warning. Be cunning, and full of tricks, and your people will never be destroyed."- Lord Frith

Offline Vesper

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« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2017, 01:51:05 PM »
I would make a chemistry joke, yet I don't know if I'll get any reaction from it :D
« Last Edit: June 03, 2017, 01:51:16 PM by Vesper »
[big][big][small]"Yet, even amidst the Hatred and Carnage, Life is still worth living. It is possible for Wonderful Encounters and Beautiful things to exist."[/small][/big][/big]- Hayou Miyazaki

[big]"I will have Poetry in my life. And Adventure. And Love. Love above all."[/big]
- Shakespeare In Love[/i][/i]


 [big]dplutonium13 Fanfic Writer/Artist [/big] "I am Drunk when I Write, I become Sober when I Edit"

[big]"A good friend listens to your adventures. A best friend makes them with you."[/big] -Unknown
 
"[big]Hope will never be Silent."[/big] -Harvey Milk

[big]"The thinker dies, but his thoughts are beyond the reach of destruction. Men are mortal; but ideas are immortal."[/big][/i]- Richard Adams

Offline Bright Side

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« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2017, 07:15:41 PM »
Oh, you got a reaction from me :D
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Offline Chipster-roo

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« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2017, 01:29:37 AM »
I came across this joke on another website a while ago, about a piece of software called the "Y Window System".  Everyone was commenting about how uncreative the name is...

It went like this, more or less:
Tech support: what desktop environment do you use?
User: um...why?
Tech support: you use Y?  All right, here's what you need to do...
User: wait what are you walking about?
Tech support: oh, a Y's guy, huh?
Have you considered making each day count - doing something meaningful each day - instead of letting the days and weeks and months and years fly into oblivion? --Bright Side

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Offline Vesper

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« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2017, 01:04:22 PM »
Quote from: Bright Side on  
Oh, you got a reaction from me :D
:silverweed3 Ah, that's good to hear. Though, I had lost my Electron. Gotta keep an Ion it. ;)
*Nuzzles Lovingly*
« Last Edit: June 04, 2017, 01:04:38 PM by Vesper »
[big][big][small]"Yet, even amidst the Hatred and Carnage, Life is still worth living. It is possible for Wonderful Encounters and Beautiful things to exist."[/small][/big][/big]- Hayou Miyazaki

[big]"I will have Poetry in my life. And Adventure. And Love. Love above all."[/big]
- Shakespeare In Love[/i][/i]


 [big]dplutonium13 Fanfic Writer/Artist [/big] "I am Drunk when I Write, I become Sober when I Edit"

[big]"A good friend listens to your adventures. A best friend makes them with you."[/big] -Unknown
 
"[big]Hope will never be Silent."[/big] -Harvey Milk

[big]"The thinker dies, but his thoughts are beyond the reach of destruction. Men are mortal; but ideas are immortal."[/big][/i]- Richard Adams

Offline Rosie Willowwater

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The official JOKES-Thread
« Reply #13 on: July 05, 2017, 05:19:18 PM »
This is such a great thread :D

Quote from: Jokes!on 
Where do Planets go to school? A Universe-ity

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
We are warriors. Though we might not have weapons of strength, we have our minds; The most powerful weapons of all

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Offline Vesper

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« Reply #14 on: July 07, 2017, 04:21:55 PM »
:D *Tackle-hugs with a spin-hug*  :silverweed3 Good one, dear.^^
[big][big][small]"Yet, even amidst the Hatred and Carnage, Life is still worth living. It is possible for Wonderful Encounters and Beautiful things to exist."[/small][/big][/big]- Hayou Miyazaki

[big]"I will have Poetry in my life. And Adventure. And Love. Love above all."[/big]
- Shakespeare In Love[/i][/i]


 [big]dplutonium13 Fanfic Writer/Artist [/big] "I am Drunk when I Write, I become Sober when I Edit"

[big]"A good friend listens to your adventures. A best friend makes them with you."[/big] -Unknown
 
"[big]Hope will never be Silent."[/big] -Harvey Milk

[big]"The thinker dies, but his thoughts are beyond the reach of destruction. Men are mortal; but ideas are immortal."[/big][/i]- Richard Adams