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Author Topic: time's arrow  (Read 207 times)

Offline florapaw

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time's arrow
« on: September 25, 2017, 06:06:26 AM »
efrafa is such a bad warren boycott Efrafa 2k17

...

Hyzenthlay is tired of Efrafa. The hopeless feeling that makes her heartbeat hard against her ribcage is all that spurs her on.

A young doe she doesn’t know the name of sits in the run, eyes flicking around to all the other rabbits close by. She shakes and presses herself against the floor as if to make herself look smaller. Hyzenthlay edges towards her, Thethuthinnang trailing closely, and wordlessly sits close by. Her fur is hot against the doe’s cold fur.

“Oh, Hyzenthlay,” The doe cries despondently. Hyzenthlay isn’t surprised that the young doe knows who she is. The doe lets a shuddering sigh shake her shoulders. “One of the new officers called for me.”

Thethuthinnang looks to Hyzenthlay and she looks sad. Hyzenthlay thinks it’s because this isn’t the first time they’ve comforted young rabbits.

“What do I do Hyzenthlay?” The young doe turns to Hyzenthlay, eyes hopeful and wide. “I don’t want to…”

She cuts herself off, a choked sound reaching her throat. Hyzenthlay places her nose on the doe’s fur. “You’ll be fine.”

The doe swallows roughly. “I don’t want to cater to him, Hyzenthlay. I can’t do this,” She was beginning to beg, voice constricted and muscles taut, stiff like she was ready to run from danger.

Hyzenthlay rests her head across her back. “I know, I know,” She soothes. The doe’s body begins to relax at her words, and her eyes close. “None of us can do it much longer.”

...

word count: 245
time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses. it merely marches forward.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 09:29:49 AM by florapaw »

Offline Vesper

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time's arrow
« Reply #1 on: September 25, 2017, 12:20:22 PM »
:silverweed3 Wow!!!! This is a really, really good story dear that you have written. With only 245 words, you put so much drama and content there already to make it a heartwrenching story. Great job dear. :) I really, really hope to see more in the future. *Hugs with loving nuzzles* :frith  :frith

#BOYCOTT Efrafa 2017
« Last Edit: September 25, 2017, 12:21:03 PM by Vesper »
[big][big][small]"Yet, even amidst the Hatred and Carnage, Life is still worth living. It is possible for Wonderful Encounters and Beautiful things to exist."[/small][/big][/big]- Hayou Miyazaki

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Offline Chipster-roo

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time's arrow
« Reply #2 on: September 25, 2017, 05:08:28 PM »
You are an amazing writer Florapaw.

Seriously this is one of the best things I read in a long time.

You really capture the darkness and pain of Efrafa, and the sad conditions the does faced on a regular basis.  And you also include two of my favourite characters.

Really I just love this.

Would it be all right to share it on Twitter?
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Offline florapaw

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time's arrow
« Reply #3 on: September 25, 2017, 09:14:52 PM »
vesper - thank you!! my favourite stories are the ones where you can easily get your point across in less than 500 words and im super happy that you enjoyed it!! thanks!!!!

chipster-roo - me??? an amazing writer??? thats the nicest comment ive ever received! im super happy that you both felt the emotions i was trying to write about :D and yes, feel free to share it on twitter :)

Offline MeadowRabbit

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« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2017, 09:15:07 PM »
Nicely written; you've done a great job of creating tension within the short word count. :)
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Offline florapaw

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time's arrow
« Reply #5 on: September 25, 2017, 09:16:59 PM »
:D thank you!!