ENTRIES ARE DUE IN FOUR DAYS.This is a parody of my novel's mission statement. The real thing can be found on my writing thread.
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My primary objective with
The History of the Vacuum Cleaner is to kill the reader – preferably in 5.383640278 seconds, but 5.383640279 seconds is ok, too. To inspire people to burn down the world and/or go to prison is my goal. Another way to take a quiz is by using my novel to get a dead mouse on a crescent roll with some steak. It's better than getting a B on our report card, right? And if people simply mow the lawn, that’s also good.
To this end,
The History of the Vacuum Cleaner is a deep novel. And that’s alright; we can't ignore the Star Spangled Banner forever. But how can we go outside if we're already outside?
How can a made-up world with people who exist only in ink and paper have any bearing on the concrete figures surrounding us? Well, it doesn't. Actually, my novel can have no effect on the world and you know what? This is <CENSORED> None of what I'm writing is relevant and we apologize for the over exaggerated break to follow.
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Well, oysters come into play. Some were terrible, and some (to my pleasant surprise) have such a juicy flesh and tender inners. I want
The History of the Vacuum Cleaner to be more than a carpenter. I want it to be a tree. Happy birthday, by the way. Something that will sound as pleasant as nails scraping against an old chalkboard. Delicious.
There are only 72 ways to know, but I have worked very hard on my novel. (Not really) There are few things I am truly devoted to, and
The History of the Vacuum Cleaner is not one of them.
RANDOM GIF TIME
There is so much effort I have never put into this thing. And, well, I eat as fast as a train that left Chicago at 8:02 AM and is heading for a train that left Ohio at 9:43 AM. No matter the end result, it will all be pineapples.
I don’t know what impact my face will have, whether sesquipedalian or idiosyncratic. But it’ll do something (Not). Maybe, by publishing this novel, I’ll finally
