The official JOKES-Thread

[Darkling Nocturnal]

Let's live up to this section's name! Come and post jokes in this topic:

Wow! I never thought, that our son will manage it so far!
Yeah! The catapult is amazing!
Let's try the dog!
 

[Bright Side]

Yeeeeeeeeees. I was so happy when I saw this thread

I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

I had a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left side? He's all right now.

It said I had type-A blood, but it was a typo.

I didn't like my beard at first, but then it grew on me.

I don't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.

I didn't know where the sun went at night. Then it dawned on me.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

Einstein made a theory about space, and it was about time, too.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I didn't know where the boomerang went, but then it came back to me.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

The cross-eyed teacher had a hard time controlling her pupils.

Did you hear about the crime that happened on an elevator? It was wrong on so many levels.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I would make a joke about sodium, but Na..

My math teacher called me average. How mean!

What's a will? (It's a dead giveaway)

[Groddil]

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

[Bright Side]

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station..

[Claws]

Haha, cool ones!

[Bright Side]

Thanks, Claws!

Person 1: Ask me if I'm a tree.
Person 2: Are you a tree?
Person 1: No.

Person 1: Hey, someone said you sound like an owl.
Person 2: Who?

[Darkling Nocturnal]

On pain of being branded for life:




What lives in the dark, has two wings and sucks blood?

Always Ultra

[Bright Side]

I don't get why people celebrate Pi Day. That's so irrational.

A message to the Mayans: Sorry that your prediction was wrong, but hey, it's not the end of the world.

Why is Peter Pan always flying? He never lands!
(That joke never gets old)

Build a bridge and get over it.

[Magic-Rabbit]

This is a Watership Down joke.

I'd love to write a letter to the RSPCA which is a British organization that deals with abuse to animals and say that there was bunny with an infected eye. That would be an awesome mythical prank is the GCI makes General Woundwort look like a real, 100% authentic rabbit.

[Vesper]

I would make a chemistry joke, yet I don't know if I'll get any reaction from it

[Bright Side]

Oh, you got a reaction from me

[Chipster-roo]

I came across this joke on another website a while ago, about a piece of software called the "Y Window System".  Everyone was commenting about how uncreative the name is...

It went like this, more or less:
Tech support: what desktop environment do you use?
User: um...why?
Tech support: you use Y?  All right, here's what you need to do...
User: wait what are you walking about?
Tech support: oh, a Y's guy, huh?

[Vesper]

Oh, you got a reaction from me

Ah, that's good to hear. Though, I had lost my Electron. Gotta keep an Ion it.
*Nuzzles Lovingly*

[Rosie Willowwater]

This is such a great thread

Where do Planets go to school? A Universe-ity

Don't spell part backwards. It's a trap.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!

[Vesper]

*Tackle-hugs with a spin-hug*   Good one, dear.^^